Snidely Skeeting 4

In previous articles on this website, I've quoted Eric D. Snider's online words in blue. But the words in red have actually been ghost-written by me, T. Buckingham Thomas, filling in the gaps. Got that? Red is me being Eric, and blue is Eric being Eric.

We explained in this 2014 article, “T. Buckingham Thomas has been trying to extend my earlier Snide-itude by preserving and arranging my lighthearted tweets. Over the last year he's added some of them to this website of his. The first two collections are here and here.”

Since then, like many folks, Eric has switched from Twitter (now X) to Bluesky (pronounced Blueskee, like brewski). Here's a recent collection of his skeets.

Nov. 22, 2024:

It seems that in one week I'm going to Kenya? The one in Africa? For a work trip? Seems implausible to me, too, but I have a passport and visa and weapons-grade insect repellant and everything.

What is my job? I'm a writer for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka the Mormons, but we're trying to ditch the nickname). I write stuff for teens, like a hip youth pastor!

I'm going to Kenya to attend a regional youth conference, maybe do some light colonizing. It's an LDS youth conference with about 800 teens from all over Kenya attending.

The venue is a girls boarding school (on break right now), and I don't know what you may have heard about this place, but:

I'm not sure about the science on this, but 75° on the equator is about 20 degrees hotter than 75° elsewhere.

This is perhaps too inside baseball, but I have observed that contemporary religious music aimed at teenage Christians does not benefit from repeat listenings.

When in Kenya, stay at the Muthu Lake Naivasha Country Club!

(Most hotels have the same policy, it just usually doesn't come up.)

As instructed after 7 pm, I called the front desk for an escort from my bungalow to the restaurant, as thar be hippos about.

My escort used his flashlight to show me a hippo (a safe distance away), as well as three giraffes! But it's dark, so I couldn't get pics or a good look, much less a taste.

However, on Friday night...

Accidentally got another picture with a hippo, sorry.

Here we see a monkey family enjoying a lazy Saturday morning.

Note the baby monkey hitching a ride to the nearest tree! Here's a link to my Snider video.

In addition to the wildlife and nature, the food here is fantasgreat. I've liked (often loved) everything I've put in my mouth — meats, sides, desserts, everything. Is all Kenyan food this good?? I have no intel on that yet.

(Do you suppose they meant “hello mother”?)

Bonding with the Kenyans over our shared history of being British colonies. They've only been indie since 1963! There are many people here who remember it! Whereas most of our 1776 patriots have died.

I'm told most Kenyans speak English and Swahili (many also speak a tribal language) but that many are more comfortable with English. This conference and local church services are in English. (I suspect there is a local Swahili congregation, too, for those who don't speak English well.)

One speaker, an eloquent man whose English is generally about as good as mine, had a little brain fart and couldn't come up with the word for someone with a drinking problem. He arrived at “alcoholist.”

My Kenyan friend Mike is going to college in the US next year. He said he isn't scared of the winter weather or the racism (he's spent time in South Africa), only the guns. “Nairobi can be dangerous, but you almost never see a gun.” Fear of gun violence is one of America's chief exports.

My Nairobi cab driver informs me that Kenyans love Trump. I wonder if this is true or if, like Trump, my cab driver is projecting his feelings onto others.

He's driving on the wrong side of the road, too, but I've confirmed that's normal here. Nobody in Kenya uses their turn signal, so as a Utah resident I'm feeling very at home.

When you order a taxi-like ride-sharing service (like Lyft but not that one) in Kenya, the driver calls you first to report that the price on the app is too low and negotiate a higher fare. You promise to tip approximately 80%, and it still only adds up to about $5 American for a 5-mile ride. This cannot possibly be company policy?? But it's cheap, and the drivers are happy, so I'm not complaining.

One of them told me that zebras are stupid and run out in front of cars like deer do in the US, except zebras will then kick-smash your headlights. He has personally hit three zebras. To be clear, apparently you hit a zebra, it smashes your car in retaliation, and then it usually gallops off to die another day. So not exactly like the deer experience here. Another driver confirms they are stupid, tells me they call them “forest donkeys.” Love it.

Here in Naivasha there was evidently a controversy a few years ago where someone was selling donkey meat without revealing that that’s what it was. The person who told us this story said donkey meat didn’t taste good . I said, “I bet it tastes like ass,” and let me tell you, this joke did not land.

The upside of the Kenyan economy is that when police stop your car and demand a bribe — as they did my colleague and his local driver last night — you only have to shell out 100 shillings. Currently, 125 shillings make one (1) US dollar. Imagine the cops pulling you over and saying, “We're not lettin' you through till we see 80 cents.”

Bluesky has been noting the lack of concern for UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, recently murdered in New York City. Julia Carrie Wong skeeted that we're treating the tragedy with “the bloodless bureaucratic indifference that these companies perfected. ...If there was a ‘coarsening’ of society, surely it occurred when businesses were established to profit off denying people healthcare.”

We are not “normalizing violence.” Violence has already been normalized. Regular Americans live with violence 24/7. What is being normalized is violence against oppressors.

There is one (1) other white person at this event in Kenya. Occasionally someone will get the two of us mixed up and I'll say, “It's OK, we all look alike.” And they'll laugh and say, “No! No! That's not true!” — in the exact same unconvincing way that we say it when the situation is reversed.

KENYAN: [gets me mixed up]
ME: It's OK, we all look alike.
KENYAN: No! No! You do not.
ME: No, it's OK. I do it too. I think all blonde white girls look the same.
KENYAN: OK, that is true. Especially when they wear the Ugg boots.

In either situation, you feel terrible for getting two people of the same race mixed up. It's not a race thing! But if there's even a mild resemblance, and you only met each person briefly, and you've been meeting a ton of people this week, it's probably unavoidable. But everyone has been gracious.

What this trip (my first to a non-Canada, England, or France country) has shown me is that, my goodness, people are the same everywhere. I know that's a cliché and that many people gain a personal witness of it well before they are 50, but it's true. I don't see how you can travel the world and talk to people from other cultures and not come away with a greater love for people in general. Maybe if you go someplace where the people are awful, like New Jersey. But Kenya has been wonderful.