Phooey on the Eclipse Written October 15, 2017   On Labor Day, someone had left my office door unlocked.  I found Fui, my Fictional Uninformed Interlocutor, sitting behind my desk.  He'd discovered the dark glasses on my bottom shelf and was trying them on. “Fui!” I exclaimed.  “What are you doing here?” “I'm not sure,” he replied.  “These sunglasses are no good.  I can't see a thing!” “That's because they're not sunglasses.  They're extra-dark solar eclipse glasses.” He took them off and waved them around.  “Oh, the eclipse.  It was all over TV.  But I didn't need any so-called ‘experts’ to tell me the sun was going away.  The prophecy is in the second chapter of Joel.  ‘The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and the terrible day of the Lord comes.’” “Yes, that verse obviously refers to solar and lunar eclipses.  Of course it doesn't predict any specific dates.  Astronomers can do that.” “‘Of that day or that hour knoweth no one, not even the angels in heaven.’” “Anyway, we were warned not to stare directly at the partial eclipse unless we were wearing glasses like the ones you've got there.” “Yeah, all the news people kept yammering at us, ‘Don't look at the sun!’” “We could have damaged our retinas.” “That's what the ‘experts’ claimed.  But I didn't buy it.  I think it was all a conspiracy.  What secret were they trying to hide?” “They were simply worried about our safety.” “What was up there in the heavens?  What did they not want us to see?” “Uh . . . .” “And it turned out that some of the glasses were fake, anyway.” “Well, yes.  We had to make sure the ones we used had a little globe symbol on them.” Fui looked closer at the glasses in his hand and gasped in horror.  “The mark of the devil!”  He dropped the accursed object onto the desk.  “What's that say, anyway?  ISO?” “The International Organization for Standardization.” “Shouldn't that be IOS?  They can't even get the order of the letters right.” “It's not an abbreviation.  It's for iso-, ‘all equal,’ as in isobars.” “And why the picture of a globe?” “To represent the whole earth, of course.” “But the earth isn't a globe.  It's flat!  Read your Bible.” Aha, I thought, so Fui was also one of those flat-earthers. “And you called it the ‘International Organization.’” “That's right.” “An International Organization, not an American one.  These organizations want to control all the countries.  Especially ours!  They want to force ‘standardization’ down our throats.  They're as evil as the United Nations.” “You seem rather paranoid.” “Those people are always telling us how to live our lives.” “How so?” “They say our children have to accept vaccinations — but if doctors are allowed to stick needles in their arms, the kids will get autism!  We have to accept evolution — but if biology teachers are allowed to spread their lies, the kids will question Genesis! “I can't stand those arrogant elitists!  ‘Elite’ just means ‘educated,’ you know. “They're preaching that ‘global warming’ is coming, and we must change our ways.  We have to trade in our monster pickups and SUVs for puny little electric cars.  Well, I don't accept that.  I don't want to believe it.  It's inconvenient.  Preach to me instead that Jesus is coming!  I do want to believe that. “Did you notice the date of the eclipse?  August 21st.  And when did Hurricane Harvey hit Texas?  On August 25th.  Believe me, God chose 21 and 25 for a reason.” “Why do you say that?” “It's right there in Luke, chapter 21, verse 25.  ‘There will be signs in the sun and moon and stars.  On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea.’ “Jesus told us it would happen!  God sends eclipses and hurricanes as a warning!” I started to explain that chapter 21 and verse 25 were assigned their numbers long after the Bible was written, but Fui cut to the chase. “So which preaching about the future is right? “I choose to believe a humble pastor in a pulpit, offering me the plain and simple Word of God. “You can't make me trust some know-it-all scientist in an ivory tower, trying to lead me astray with all his ... facts. “Give me that old-time religion.  It was good for dad and mother, and it's good enough for me!”