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When Peas Fly
Written September 24, 2008


Did you hear that, Leonard?  What the man on TV just said.  The announcer.  He said, "This game is brought to you by Southwest Airlines.  Please don't fly with us."

Now isn't that ridiculous?  Why would an airline say that?  Begging people not to get on their planes?  That can't be good for business.

You're probably right.  I must have heard it wrong.  I wonder what he really meant to say.

Now that doesn't make any sense, either, Leonard.  "Peas don't fly with us"?  Peas don't fly with anybody.  For goodness sakes, they don't even fly in the grocery store.

Oh, that reminds me.  Yesterday at the supermarket, I was looking for Campbell's split pea soup.  You always used to love it.  But I couldn't find any!  No pea soup anywhere, not even the powdered kind.  When did they stop making it?

I finally did find a little can back in the organic foods section.  I'll heat it up for you tomorrow for lunch.

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But pea soup used to be popular.  Comfort food, they called it, nice and smooth and warm and creamy — but good for you, don't you know, because it's made out of vegetables.  With celery and carrots and onions and spices and everything.  Remember, down at Denny's it used to be on the menu a couple days a week.  We used to talk about "a pea-soup fog."  Kids today don't know what we mean by that.

You know what I think happened?  I think too many people saw that movie.  You know the one I mean.  With the priest and the devil and the little girl.  What was it called?  That's it!  The Exorcist.  You remember that disgusting scene when the girl ... that's right ... yes, that turned my stomach too.  Well, they used pea soup for that.  That's right, that's what I heard.  And I'm sure that afterwards, a lot of people couldn't look at a bowl of it without thinking about that movie.  That's what I think.

What were we talking about?  Oh, the man on TV.  "Please don't fly with us."  Well, what else could he have said, Leonard?

"Bees don't fly with us"?  Of course they don't.  Bees have their own wings.  "Fleas"?  I don't think so.

What's that?  "Fees"?  "Fees don't fly with us"?  Well, that sort of makes sense.  These airlines are charging extra for things, you know.  Things that used to be free:  checking baggage or getting a drink of water or using the bathroom.  And I saw this ad about how Southwest doesn't do that.  Doesn't charge extra fees.  "Fees don't fly with us."  I guess it makes sense.

It certainly is easy to misunderstand, though.  The slogan.  You think he's saying "Please don't," the way he emphasizes the "Please."  But he's really saying "Fees don't."

No, I don't think that means it's a bad slogan, not necessarily.  It gets your attention.  Makes you think.

Well, of course, Leonard, I could fix you something different for lunch tomorrow.  I was only remembering, you always used to love pea soup.



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