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We
graduated on June 2, 1969, and never saw each other again. But
we definitely kept in touch via correspondence. A week later we
exchanged these notes.
Dear
Jan,
I
wish I could say it more eloquently, but since I can’t:
Thank
you for these past few years. Despite the occasional troubles
and frustrations, you have done more to change my life (for the
better, I hope) than perhaps you’ll ever realize. I’m
grateful for having had the opportunity to know you so well.
Happy
twenty-second birthday.
Happy
life!
And
I’m sure it will be.
Dear
Tom,
Thank
you very much for your sincere and kind note. I have felt like
an ogre enough times during the four years I’ve known you so
that I really appreciated it.
Congratulations
on getting summa cum laude! Wow!
During
the next 3½ years my friend embarked on new adventures,
including med school and matrimony. Her first child was born in
1976. In a multi-part article called Letters
from Jan,
I've compiled edited versions of some of our correspondence during
the decade of 1968 to 1978.
And
I have more. Here's a link
to a note I wrote to accompany an unusual present for my friends'
fifth wedding anniversary. And below are some highlights from
the nearly 40 years that followed.
It
was in the summer of 1978 that the newspaper in Sun Prairie,
Wisconsin, about 12 miles from Madison, reported the following.
Two
physicians and a specialized nurse are joining the staff of the Sun
Prairie Clinic. Dr. Robert Justl began work July 17 and Dr. Jan
Olson August 1, both in general practice.
Dr.
Olson earned her medical degree from the University of Rochester,
Rochester, New York, and completed a residency at the University of
Wisconsin-Madison Department of Family Practice June 30 this year.
During
her residency, baby Brian was born to her and her husband, Bruce
Babcock. Dr. Olson has retained her maiden name for her
professional career. She will be working half days at the
Clinic while her family is young.
She
has set two particular goals in medicine as she begins her first
practice. “I want to be a good family physician,” she
emphasized. “Definitive care for most common problems, and
recognizing more complex problems and referring that type to a
specialist, will be my aim.”
Her
second goal is to assist patients in participating more in their own
health. “If they know more about their own bodies, they
can alter behavior,” she said. Preventative medicine is
continually receiving more attention, she noted.
In
her spare time, she enjoys bicycling, camping, and sewing her own
clothes — and a skill she learned from a patient at St.
Mary’s Hospital, playing the autoharp and the musical saw.
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All
newcomers were officially welcomed soon after their arrival in Sun Prairie.
Here
is new family #631 of 1978: Jan (with Brian on her lap) and
Bruce (with a “special family gift” from the Good Times
Pizza Parlor). |
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A
second son, Kevin, would soon join the family.
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December
1981: Kevin
and Brian play happily together about 85% of the time, now.
(The other 15% of the time they fight.)
Brian
is a most eager kindergartner. He goes to the library half an
hour a week for some individual attention from the librarian.
He reads to her, or she reads to him, or they play games. He is
reading at the fourth grade level, now. |
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The
third and final son, Douglas, came along soon after. This
photo of the three boys is from 1985. |
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August
1988:
My mother and Burt (her “new” husband) treated Bruce and
me to several days at the American Club, a Triple-A Five Diamond
resort in Kohler, Wisconsin, for our birthdays. I’ll
enclose a picture of me taken there at the Kohler Design Center
(bathroom fixtures and fancy bathroom designs). |
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|
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In
a high school scholarship test back in 1965, I had ranked first in
Ohio. Brian matched that feat at the age of 12. In the
Wisconsin Mathematics League’s 1989 contest, the seventh grader
got 38 of 40 answers correct, best in the state.
According
to the newspaper, “Babcock said the test was really no big
deal. ‘I really enjoy math because it’s fun and
it’s something that I’m very good at,’ he said.
‘When they told me I placed first, I felt excited and
surprised. I didn’t think I would be first in the state.’
“Babcock
said his parents seemed very happy and proud at his accomplishment.” |
Later
Brian would write on the Internet: “I grew up in Sun
Prairie, Wisconsin, a small Midwestern town not far from
Madison. Here are a couple of fun facts about Sun Prairie: it
is the birthplace of the artist Georgia O'Keefe, and it is one of the
claimants to the title of Groundhog Capital of the World.
(Punxsutawney, PA, gets better press, but their groundhog is less
accurate than Sun Prairie's Jimmy!)
“After
high school I moved out to California to attend college at
Stanford. After graduating, I went to work for a start-up
company called E.piphany.” He later returned to Stanford
for his PhD, then joined another start-up company called M-Factor.
December
23, 1992:
Today Bruce and I have been married twenty years. We think we
deserve a medal! We agree we'll try for at least another twenty.
During
the next year, Jan endured various physical problems, with Bruce's
help, and they did deserve a medal. When her 47th birthday
rolled around and I hadn't heard from her in six months, I wrote the
following poem on June 6, 1994.
The
last time
my Image of you was updated,
'Twas half a year younger, but burdened with woes;
And between your lines lurked a discouraging word.
I
trust now
life is better. Some pains have abated.
But that isn't true for the Image, which froze
Just the way it was limping the last that I heard.
Your arm was weak
And your elbow steel'd,
Your soreness numb
And your numbness sore.
Your neck was fus'd
And your kidney ston'd,
Your spirits low,
Your employment o'er.
Please
pity my Image of you! It's still lumpy.
Erase
all the bumps that are no longer bumpy.
Update
the poor Image, before it gets grumpy!
Three
months later, she replied that had been well enough that summer to
join in a family camping trip to California. Brian was
enrolling at Stanford, but he was the only member of the family who
had seen the campus.
September
1994:
We had a wonderful vacation: 30 days of camping, with stays at or
visits to seven national Parks. It’s a long way from
Wisconsin to California! We put more than 7,000 miles on our
station wagon.
The
day after I got back, I discovered that my supervisor at ASB
Meditest, where I had been doing two or three employment or insurance
physicals a week, had been fired for taking time off from work for a
back injury. In her stead they hired the newest employee, a
20-year-old with no medical or business background, who had worked as
a receptionist at ASB Meditest for two months. (The fired
supervisor was an RN, and very good.) This was just one in a
long string of unethical maneuvers by middle management (a manager in
Minneapolis). So I resigned from my association with ASB
Meditest, not caring to be associated with such an outfit any longer.
The
following day I got a job working 20 hours a week making subs at
Subway in Sun Prairie. Making subs was fun, but apparently some
parts of the job (such as lifting and dumping buckets of ice to
refill the soft drink machine and lugging around 20-pound cartons of
cookie dough) were too physically strenuous for my particular spinal
column. Worsening numbness and tingling in my arms, hands, and
feet and the return of the symptoms of daily headaches and aching in
both arms scared me into quitting that job today, and making a
doctor’s appointment.
I
now consider myself to be retired from the practice of medicine, but
I have no idea what my next career will be — except that I am
working on writing a book about some of my experiences as a
patient. I am very “burned out” and don’t feel
like finding a new career as yet.
Brian
leaves for his freshman year at Stanford University on September
22nd. Stanford took into account my tenuous health and
uncertain job future and used our projected 1994 income, instead of
our 1993 income, to compute Brian’s financial need. They
offered him $25,000 in financial aid for this year! Because of
Brian’s wonderful scholarships, my being
underemployed/unemployed is not the catastrophe it might otherwise be financially.
I
wrote on October 8, 1994:
I
can understand how you feel burned out. This might be a good
time to take a deep breath. Maybe work on that book.
I
too have thought about writing. If I find myself at the end of
my present career, I could always start using the literary form of my
name, T. Buckingham Thomas, and start creating collections of
essays. Or trying to. So far, however, I haven’t
been able to crank up much ambition. Besides, there are very
many books out there already.
November
1994:
This week I found a job! (With no help from the state —
just saw an ad in the classifieds.) I’ll be working as
physician at the Badger Plasma Center. I’ll do histories
and physical exams on potential plasma donors. I’ll be
working 20-25 hours a week, and can set my own hours.
Most
of the donors are University students, so of course after thirteen
years at University Health Service, this patient population is
familiar. So far, I’ve found this job to be low stress and
a lot of fun. And after a year of being under
employed/unemployed, I’m thrilled to be making money again!
February
1995:
I am writing during a lull at work. I am now working about 23
hours a week, which is what I’ll be doing indefinitely.
(My spine specialist recommends that I not attempt to work more than
25 hours a week until after the summer, if then.) I am thrilled
to be bringing in significant income. We figure my income for
1995 will go to pay off debt.
(work
stopped lulling)
We
got a modem for Christmas, and enjoy exchanging e-mail. Do you
have an e-mail address?
Brian
is quite happy at Stanford. He wrote us one letter
during the first quarter, but has sent us twelve e-mail
messages during the first month of the second quarter. We just
have to communicate in his medium!
May
1995:
I started about three letters to you around the time of your
birthday, but did not mail any of them because they were dull.
(I was depressed at the time.) I can’t guarantee that this
letter won’t be dull, but I am feeling better on twice the dose
of antidepressant medicine.
The
most interesting thing going on with me is that I have decided to go
back to school and get a bachelor of music degree (probably in oboe
performance). I have applied to the University of Wisconsin-Madison
School of Music for spring semester, 1996. My audition will
take place November 18th.
Meanwhile,
I have to learn to play the oboe.
My mother will loan me her oboe (she took up oboe at about age 65,
but has not played it in 7 or 8 years). For my birthday, she
offered me some oboe lessons, to get me started.
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She
suggested I arrange to get the best lessons I could, so I contacted
Marc Fink, U.W. Professor of Oboe. He can give me weekly
lessons during the summer (for $30 an hour, in case you’re
interested in what oboe lessons cost). |
Marc
Fink in 2012 |
If
I can, I’ll audition in oboe. If not, I’ll audition
in clarinet. The Sun Prairie Community Band director assures me
that I am “college proficient” in clarinet. I’ll
have to practice piano, too, so that I can pass a proficiency test in
piano rather than take piano lessons in college.
December
1995 (holiday letter):
Jan has now retired from medicine, and is beginning her “second
adulthood.” Jan is quite excited about exploring music
— which she has always loved — and developing a new career.
August
1998 (postcard):
Bruce, Kevin, Douglas, and I [below] are staying in a mostly
completed guest log cabin that my mother built near her cottage on
Lake George, New York. Except for being awakened each morning
by new sounds — a builder putting in a shower, a backhoe digging
a hole for a lantern, and an electrician installing a dining room
chandelier — it’s restful.
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Where
was Brian, the fifth member of the family? He was off in
Silicon Valley getting his degree. It was at Stanford that he
met his future wife Jennifer, another software engineer who’s
from a Taiwanese family. |
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December
1999:
We do have some E.piphany stock. Brian gave us some shares at
the initial offering ($16 a share). We sold some this year
(before the price went really high, unfortunately, but still we made
a huge profit) and paid off some credit card debts that were
strangling us. We have 100 shares left, and will probably sell
them early in 2000.
January
2001:
Of the five medicines I have to take for the rest of my life, four
of them had not been invented when I was in medical school!
August
2001:
In the middle of May I came out of retirement. I got a letter
describing a part-time position for Center Medical Director of
Aventis Bioservices, Inc., a plasmapheresis center. Within one
week I did 30 hours of continuing medical education credit, renewed
my medical license, submitted my CV and had interviews, and was
hired. I am to work between 4 and 8 hours a week, at an
exorbitant rate of pay per hour.
Eventually
the last of the boys left the nest.
June
2004:
We are extremely busy here, because after 26 years, we plan to
move! In the past several months we have remodeled the entire
house and yard. It has been a lot of work, and the Crankiness
Quotient in the household has been quite high. We just put our
house on the market June 1st.
In
the early fall we’ll be moving to a 14-unit condominium on a
ridge overlooking Lake Wisconsin. We had the first pre-sale, so
of course we picked the unit with the very best view. On the
first floor, there is a screened porch that overlooks the lake.
On the loft floor, there is a balcony that overlooks the back of the
condominium, where there is a nature conservancy (woods).
We
are quite excited about this move. We’ll be out in the
country but just four miles from the Interstate, so we can commute to
Madison easily.
June
2006:
I am doing fine, except for being hypomanic at the
moment. That means I am in a continuously wonderful mood,
am not bothered by anything (including spending money we don't have),
and have lots of energy and plans. I am in touch with my
psychiatrist every day or two, and he keeps increasing my medicine.
I
am still Center Medical Director at Interstate Blood & Plasma,
Inc. in Madison, and work there between 10 and 20 hours a week.
And I am enjoying playing clarinet in the Sun Prairie Community Band.
December
2007:
For Christmas Kevin gave me a large, illustrated book about the
National Parks. Then Bruce asked me which parks were closest to
us. Now I am excited about the idea of taking a week's
houseboat trip in Voyageurs National Park the last week of May.
All
of my sons could come that week. Douglas only has one
relatively long stretch of time that he is free from his duties as a
teaching assistant at Purdue, and it encompasses that week.
Brian, Jennifer (Brian's girlfriend), and Kevin will be flying in to
International Falls on Sunday morning to join us.
We
will be houseboating and canoeing for a week. I am very
excited about the trip.
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Brian
and Jennifer were married in June 2010 (above) at the Thomas Fogarty
Winery in Woodside, California.
They
made their home in Palo Alto, and on the day of the Chinese Autumn
Festival 15 months later, their son Noah Chang Babock was born —
Jan’s first grandchild.
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December
2011:
In July we had the vacation of a lifetime — National Geographic
Expeditions Alaska Wildlife Adventure. Our 10-day trip included
exploring Denali National Park, “flightseeing” around Mount
McKinley, riding the Alaska Railroad, traveling by floatplane into
Redoubt Bay to watch the black bears fishing for salmon, and taking a
cruise of Prince William Sound. We saw lots
of wildlife, ate magnificently, and had an unbelievable time.
December
2013 (“Happy Holidays” letter to everyone):
We had lots of snow this past winter and enjoyed going snowshoeing
right outside of our back door.
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We
spent the summer at our log cabin overlooking Lake George in upstate
New York. We made two treks from there during the summer. |
One
was to California to visit Brian, Jennifer, and Noah; Kevin and his
girlfriend Christina; and Jennifer’s parents.
The
other trek was to witness Douglas’s graduation from Purdue with
a graduate degree in Mathematics. Brian and Kevin joined us for
Douglas’s graduation.
Kevin
and Christina visited for a week at Lake George. Douglas
came for several months, staying on after we had left, deciding what
he might want to do with his life, and looking for a job.
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He
landed a job as a software developer for Epic, the largest
healthcare software company in the world. Epic is headquartered
in Verona, WI, near Madison. |
At
Hallowe’en we celebrated Jan’s mother’s 99th
birthday, at the assisted living center near Denver where she lives.
We flew on to California to visit. On Thanksgiving Day, our
second grandson arrived: Owen Chang Babcock. His big brother Noah,
now two, thinks Owen is very interesting, and enjoys touching him.
Jan,
fully retired, enjoys playing in the Sun Prairie Community Band and
iPad video games.
February
2014:
We are tired of "polar vortices." We had four days
with the actual temperature being minus 22 to minus 24 degrees and
the wind-chill being minus 45 to minus 60 degrees. We are going
to escape soon, by going to Florida and from there to Central
America. We are going on a National Geographic Expedition to
Panama and Costa Rica from March 15 - 22. We'll be traveling on
the National Geographic Sea Lion, a small cruise/expedition ship that
holds 62 passengers.
But
then last fall came the bad news.
October
26, 2015:
I was recently diagnosed with metastatic cancer. My lungs are
full of cancer and it has spread to my brain as well. Friday I
had a bronchoscopy and they did biopsies, so in a day or two I may
know where the primary tumor originated.
The
prognosis for metastatic cancer in the lungs is poor, and I have
decided just to have palliative care.
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In
a way, her experiences with patients had led Jan to make that
decision more than twenty years before. On February 7, 1995,
she had written me, “My mother got very sick from chemotherapy,
so she is off that. She will start radiation therapy soon.
If I get cancer, I may decline the treatments that make life
miserable while an attempt is being made to prolong life.” |
There
is a lot of cancer in my father's side of the family. He died
at age 67.
I
made it to my fiftieth high school reunion (October 3) and our
middle son Kevin's wedding in Oakland, CA (October 17). We'll
see what other experiences I can fit in.
I
would appreciate e-mail!
I
replied:
Of
course, I’m very sorry to hear the news, Jan.
I
think it’s good that you’ve decided to go with palliative
care rather than struggle with a difficult and probably unwinnable
battle. You have “the serenity to accept the things that
cannot be changed ... and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Enjoy
each moment you have left, and I’ll be thinking about you each day.
December
3, 2015: My
cancer turned out to be adenocarcinoma of the lung, Stage 4. I
am on oxygen almost all the time because I feel short of breath with
any movement.
Kevin
and Christina and Douglas came for Thanksgiving and we had a good time.
As
I did every year, I sent her a card for December 23, her wedding
anniversary. Usually I designed these notes and included news
from me, but this time I went with a Hallmark sentiment:
There’s
no better time than Christmas
to
open our eyes
to
the goodness around us,
to
appreciate the people
in
our lives
as
the gifts they are
and
to feel joy
more
deeply than ever.
There’s
no better time than Christmas
to
think of the good and gracious people
who
are truly gifts to know...
people
like you.
Three
weeks later, as I was preparing a Martin Luther King Day article
about a 1965 speech at Oberlin, I remembered that Jan’s sister
Lynn had been in the audience as a member of the graduating
class. Had the whole family attended? Did Jan remember
the speech? I asked her via e-mail on January 17.
That
same afternoon I got this reply.
Thank
you for your anniversary wishes!
Please
call Bruce, today if possible.
Uh-oh,
I thought. She must be gone. A quick Google search
located this obituary.
I
phoned Bruce and he confirmed it. Jan had been with her family
on Christmas but died on Sunday evening, December 27.
Bruce
and I shared our sadness, but what else was there to say? The
end must come for all of us.
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Further
details were added to the obituary later.
Jan
is survived by her husband of 43 years, Bruce Babcock;
son,
Brian Babcock and daughter-in-law, Jennifer of Mountain View, CA
with grandsons Noah and Owen;
son,
Kevin Babcock and daughter-in-law, Christina of San Francisco, CA;
son,
Douglas Babcock of Fitchburg, WI;
sister,
Lynn O. Wilson and brother-in-law, Alfred E. Dunlop of Pilot Knob,
NY with their children Mary and David;
sister-in-law,
Joanne G. Olson of ID with her sons, Nathan (Kira) with their
daughters; and Eric (Rachel);
and
her step family and numerous cousins.
Her
career as a Family Physician began at Sun Prairie Clinic, followed
by many years at UW Madison Health Services. She was an
excellent diagnostician.
Jan
belonged to the United Methodist Church-Sun Prairie and the Sun
Prairie Community Band.
She
enjoyed spending time with her family, and more specifically brought
her family to enjoy the outdoors and music as she did. Jan
enjoyed traveling, dining, dancing, singing, playing games, solving
puzzles, sewing, camping, cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, and
biking. Jan was a devoted wife and mother. She wanted the
best for her family and prided herself in working hard. |
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