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Biblical
Lie Detector
Written
May 30, 2015
One
local TV station here carries a long-running syndicated program
called Maury. I sometimes come across it by accident and
immediately change the channel. But Ive seen enough to
describe the program as follows.
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Host
Maury Povich brings out lowlife guests with problems involving
unfaithfulness. For example, a woman has no idea which of her
various lovers has fathered her child. Paternity tests have
been negative for two different men so far. 3RD MAN TESTED...IM PRAYING HES MY BABYS DAD!
She's asking God to make the third guy's test come out positive. |
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Each
case seems to fall into one of two types.
Type
C involves someone accusing their partner of Cheating
on them.
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Type
P involves a promiscuous woman demanding child support from a
man. He admits having sex with her but disclaims any Paternal
responsibility, because the real father could be someone else. |
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The
guests scream at each other as if they were on Jerry Springer,
flailing about and weeping and threatening and accusing each other of
lying. The audience cheers and boos on cue. Fights break
out. Finally, Maury settles the issue by revealing the result
of a test. |
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For
Type P, its a paternity test using DNA. I have no
problem with the science, but I do object to the very public
sensationalizing of what should be a private matter.
If
the man on stage is the father, we watch him break down and sob
while the baby momma taunts him. |
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But
if someone else is the father, the man dances and prances, wildly
celebrating being absolved of any responsibility for the kid.
The mother sulks. Neither party shows the other any love or respect. |
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For
Type C, Maury reveals the result of a polygraph test. I
do have a problem with this. Lie detectors are unreliable.
Their results are not legally admissible as evidence in court.
The loser might tearfully continue to insist there really wasn't an
affair and its the machine thats lying. But on this
show, the machine is the final authority. |
Maury
shouldnt use lie detectors. According to the Bible, he
shouldnt even use DNA tests. Gods Holy Word
specifies a different procedure. And, as we know, All
Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for ... setting things straight.
The
Biblically-prescribed examination needs to take place promptly,
before the baby is born. The instructions are in the fifth
chapter of Numbers, verses 11 through 31. In essence, the Bible
tells us that the Lord has commanded the following rite:
If
a husband suspects his wife has become pregnant by another man but
can't prove she's been unfaithful, he must bring her to a priest,
along with two quarts of dry barley meal as a jealousy
offering. The priest scrapes up some dirt from the floor
and dumps it into a cup of holy water. Standing before the
altar, he removes the womans veil, gives her the barley to
hold, and puts her under oath.
If
you have not gone astray, let your innocence be established by the
bitter water. But if you have let yourself become defiled, may
the Lord make an example of you! Your belly will swell and your
womb will shrivel. The woman must respond,
Amen. So be it.
The
priest writes his curses on a scroll and then washes off the ink
into the cup of muddy water. He places the barley on the altar
and burns a handful of it. (The unburnt 1.9 quarts of grain, of
course, will eventually find their way into the priests
pantry.) Finally he again picks up the cup of dirty, inky water
and makes the woman drink it. If she has been unfaithful, when
the magic potion enters her guilty body it will cause an abortion.
[Note
on versions: many English Bibles translate the Hebrew as
"her stomach will swell and her thigh will fall away" or
similar phrases, but the New Revised Standard says "her womb
shall discharge, her uterus drop" and the Common English Bible
says "her womb will discharge and she will miscarry."]
The
husband will accept the justice of this miscarriage, because the
test has shown it wasnt his baby anyway. This is the word
of the Lord. No screaming or leaping about, just a simple trial
by ordeal. And some barley, of course. Dont forget
to bring the barley.
We
need to suggest this to Maury.
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