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APRIL
29, 2020
LIMITED SUPPLY
As
I noted earlier this month, face masks are hard to find, so I made
my own. I used rubber bands and safety pins to suspend a folded
handkerchief from my ears and eyeglasses.
I
received at least one compliment for my ingenuity, but I longed for
a real mask. I felt I really ought to be wearing an actual professionally-made
protective device. |
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Last
Wednesday afternoon, two well-known Pittsburghers spread the word
that the local company CommonWealth
Press, which prints T-shirts and such, is now making and
selling a fantastic-looking ten-pack of face masks.
Support
local small business, yinz! tweeted Virginia Montanez. Great
idea, added Randy Baumann; @cwpress does great stuff always. |
I
ordered a pack the next morning. CWP responded immediately,
adding a nice thank-you note. By that afternoon they were sold
out, but my masks were already in the mail. The package arrived yesterday.
The
straps are long enough to tie behind my head, but I prefer to merely
knot them behind my ears for easier donning and doffing.
Despite
the dangling ties, this looks much better, don't you think? |
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Other
masks have been modeled online by a couple of my colleagues from the
world of TV sports graphics, Linda P and Mark Vidonic.
Mark
somehow got his hands on an N95, but I'm not sure he's wearing it right. |
APRIL
28, 2020
THIS AIN'T OUR FIRST PANDEMIC
The
Spanish flu hit the San Francisco Bay Area in September 1918.
Face masks were required, and there was 80% compliance.
By
November, cases were down, writes
Tim Mak of NPR, and public health officials recommended
re-opening the city. Residents rushed to entertainment venues. |
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Adapted
from Mill Valley Public Library photo |
But
there was a second wave in December, and San Francisco's public
health officer, Dr. William C. Hassler, urged people to once again
wear masks. Most refused. Citizens were tired of the
nuisance, and businesses were worried about the Christmas shopping season.
On
December 18, a bomb was discovered, addressed to Hassler. The
next day, officials voted down a mandatory mask order. The
dollar sign is exalted above the health sign, sighed the
public health officer. By far the worst day of flu/pneumonia
deaths followed on December 30. Nevertheless, an
Anti-Mask League event drew thousands.
In
Marysville, Ohio, near my future hometown, schools and saloons were
affected not only by the 1918 flu but by a polio outbreak in
1952. Folks were Sheltering
in Place
for months.
APRIL
25, 2020
THEY HAD TO FIGHT FOR THEIR RIGHT TO PARTY
When
Madonna's Virgin Tour came to the Pittsburgh Civic Arena
in May 1985, the Post-Gazette's Jeff Sewald took note of the
opening act. The Beastie Boys, a hip-hop band
from the bowels of New York City, began the evening with 30 minutes
of nasties. With a DJ who scratched his way into
the heads of listeners and three other talentless urchins who pranced
about making lewd gestures, the Beasties succeeded only in their
quest to be obnoxious.
The
next spring and again in 1987, the Boys were featured on MTV's
Spring Break coverage from Daytona Beach. I
was there both years, safely ensconced inside a TCS television
production truck where I was insulated from the madness.
I
remember the Boys trying to lip-sync to one of their records.
During the sung portions they were able to keep up, more or less, but
in the rap portions everything fell apart. The words we were
hearing and the mouths we were seeing didn't match at all. Chaos. |
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Why
do I mention this? I see that a new Spike Jonze documentary
about the Beastie Boys is now streaming, if anyone is interested.
APRIL
22, 2010 THIRTY-TWO
YEARS AGO
It
was on this night in the year 1978 that Saturday Night Live
aired its best episode ever, according to writer Tom Davis in his
book Thirty-Nine Years of Short-Term Memory Loss. Steve
Martin did Dancing in the Dark with Gilda Radner.
He portrayed Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber and one
of the wild and crazy guys. He dressed up as King
Tut for a memorable production number.
To
open the show, Paul Shaffer (impersonating Don Kirshner) introduced
a new act, the Blues Brothers. When John Belushi and Dan
Aykroyd walked onstage in black suits, I remember thinking, this
is rather creative. Apparently their hats and dark
glasses were in homage to John Lee Hooker, though I didnt know
that then.
We
next saw the Brothers on SNL seven months later, introduced
by Garrett Morris. Aykroyd unlocked a briefcase to retrieve his
priceless harmonica, and then they started to dance and sing.
Theyve written a good song, too, I thought.
Pretty catchy. Apparently I had never before heard
Sam & Daves Soul Man.
Thats
surprising, because I had been a DJ at my college radio station ten
years before, and our popular music playlist did include soul
music. Somehow this 1967 hit never got airtime on our station,
or if it did, it never registered with me.
In
1981 I was taken with a different new song, Juice Newtons
Angel of the Morning. Only recently have I
discovered that it was a remake of another record that I should have
known from my college days.
The
original was written by Chip Taylor, brother of actor Jon
Voight. Recorded in 1968 by Merrilee Rush (right), it was quite
similar to the later remake, except that its orchestration was a
little less lush; a lone trombone played the introductory line.
Merrilees
version rose to #7 on the charts. That happened during the
summer between my junior and senior years, which might explain how I
missed it.
Ive
begun tuning my cable TV to the Solid Gold Oldies
channel of the Music Choice service in an effort to fill such gaps in
my knowledge of the music of my youth.
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APRIL
21, 2020
MARION'S #1
Fifteen
miles from my old hometown of Richwood is the city of Marion,
Ohio. I ran a cable TV studio there from 1970 to 1974.
On
the outskirts of the city, the Marion Correctional Institution
houses over 2,600 minimum- and medium-security inmates. Nearly
2,000 of them have tested positive for COVID-19. That makes MCI
the largest-known source of coronavirus infections in the United States!
The
first case was reported March 29. Three weeks later, 74% of
the prisoners have tested positive (including 38 who've been
hospitalized) as well as 154 staff members (one of whom has
died). The National Guard has been called in to assist.
Expanded
testing is part of the reason, according to the Ohio Department of
Rehabilitation and Corrections. Because we are testing
everyone including those who are not showing symptoms
we are getting positive test results on individuals who otherwise
would have never been tested because they were asymptomatic. |
Once
COVID-19 gets inside the gate, says Gov. Mike DeWine, it
spreads, and it spreads very significantly. Christopher
Mabe of the Ohio Civil Service Employees Association notes, It's
virtually impossible to social-distance in a prison. Of
course, the same goes for other crowded, confined spaces, such as
cruise ships and nursing homes.
APRIL
20, 2020
SPECIAL WRAP 1
Bored
with dining at home, I eat out two or three times a
week, donning my face mask and driving a mile to a take-out or drive-through.
Saturday
I got a Reuben sandwich at Arby's.
Though not nearly as huge as one I had decades ago at a Manhattan
deli, it was very good. It came in a brown paper wrapper
labeled REUBEN. |
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Bored
with dining in my car, I began reverse-engineering the wrapper,
which measured 15½" square when unfolded. The outside
was printed with the names of eight different specialty sandwiches in
four different colors with and without underlining. The
underlined labels were near the four edges of the wrapper, and the
other four were in the corners. The wrapper had been folded so REUBEN
was the only label visible.
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Further
investigation revealed a small pinwheel in the center of the wrapper
circled by the same eight names, except they had been printed in
reverse. Because the paper was translucent, they could be read
correctly when viewed from the inner side.
The
sandwich artist must have started with a sheet of paper inner
side uppermost rotated until the correct name was at the top
of the pinwheel. That's where she built the sandwich.
Then she used one of two folding procedures (depending on whether an
edge or a corner was at the top) to wrap her creation and deliver it
to the window, properly identified. |
Wouldn't
it have been much easier to wrap all my Christmas presents and
birthday presents if sheets and sheets of paper had been pre-printed
with my name? |
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APRIL
19, 2020
WOO HWOOO! HOO, HOO HOO |
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The
weather hasn't warmed enough for me to activate the air conditioner
that hangs just outside my kitchen window, so just after sunrise each
day, it's become sort of a lover's lane for mourning doves like the
one shown here.
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One
bird lands atop the A/C unit. He fluffs up his feathers,
waggles his tail, and begins the lonesome call
that my mother used to identify as a rain crow.
Before long his mate flies in to join him, whereupon the cooing stops
and the billing begins. Then they fly off to who knows where. |
APRIL
18, 2020
CAN I GET A FLIGHT TO JFK?
I
love exploring Google Earth to learn more about places near and
far. It can answer all kinds of questions.
For
example, social distancing is somewhat easier because the door of my
parked car is less than 30 feet from the door of my apartment.
How
do I know that distance? I could have paced it off or fumbled
with a tape measure, but rain was falling, so I simply called up the
satellite view (right) and traced the path.
From
the view below, I recently was surprised to discover that only three
miles from my apartment (lower left), there's an airport
(upper right)!
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Zooming
in reveals that it's called Heineman Airport, and it also reveals
why I've never heard of it. There are no runways.
It's
actually a former seaplane base, dating back many decades. |
A
mile away, there's an overgrown spot on the riverbank called
Kikkatuck Ii; at one time it may have been another place to dock a
floatplane. And eight miles further up the Allegheny you'll
find Kikkatuck Airport.
According
to a website,
you can charter a jet to take you to Kikkatuck Ii, though I rather
doubt it. The largest runway at PS88
is 0 feet long.
Moving
further afield, I notice that Google puts labels on other historic
sites that are no longer actually active aerodromes. |
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These
two appear to have once been private grass landing strips that are
now overgrown.
However,
I find some locations unlikely. |
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Within
a dense forest? Next to a school in Painesville? Perhaps
in recent decades the forest and the residential area have overtaken
the airstrips.
In
the early 1960s another Casement Airport, PVZ, was established two
miles to the northeast from this one. It has its own Google symbol. |
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APRIL
15, 2010 A
HALO FOR BABY
For
most of my life Ive used the thick emerald-green shampoo in
the unbreakable plastic container, Prell. Like me, this product
was introduced to the world in 1947. |
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But
newborn children are apparently slow to learn that they must keep
their eyes closed while their heads are being washed.
That
would explain the registered trademark for Johnsons Baby
Shampoo, a gentler formulation which has long proclaimed No
More Tears. |
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As
an alternative, when I was growing up in the 1950s my mother bought
a tear-prevention gadget. I've tried to re-create it in this drawing.
Imagine
a hoop of stiff wire, maybe 15 inches in diameter. Around the
inside of the circle, attach a strip of waterproof material, similar
to a vinyl shower curtain. To the inner side of this strip,
attach a ring of elastic. Slip this ring over the top of the
child's head, like a sweatband. Gravity will cause the outer
wire hoop to sag down below nose level. Then shampoo the
child's hair. The soapy water will be deflected by the elastic
band and will run down the vinyl curtain, well away from the child's face.
I
soon learned to shut my eyes. |
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APRIL
12, 2020
WIND HER UP!
So
what was my friend Jennifer doing 50 years ago?
Sunbathing. Also writing graduate-level papers about American
public education, and working at a radio station during the day, and
volunteering for a U.S. Senatorial campaign during the evening.
What
was I doing? Giving her a car for her
21st
birthday.
I
explain in the third chapter of my collection
of
excerpts from our correspondence, called
Jenny
& Me: Moving On in 1970. |
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APRIL
9, 2020
BEFORE SOCIAL DISTANCING
Isolating
ourselves indoors to thwart a lethal illness has a long history.
I
shall bring one last plague upon Pharaoh and Egypt, God warned
in Exodus 11. In the next chapter, Moses summoned all the
elders of Israel and issued a stay-at-home order.
Go
at once, procure lambs for your families, and prepare the
Passover. Then ... nobody may go out through the door of his
house until morning.
The
Lord will go throughout Egypt and strike it, but ... he will pass
over that door and not let the destroyer enter to strike you.
By
dawn, death had visited all the non-Israelite houses. |
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The
tradition of the Passover meal is still being observed. This
is a detail from a painting
attributed to the Italian artist Cimabue (1240-1302). I imagine
the disciple on the right exclaiming, Hey, Johnny, stop leaning
on the Master! We're supposed to be six feet apart. And
if you want to dip your bread in the oil, don't just reach over; ask
for the dish to be passed. I realize this is our final dinner
together, but let's mind our table manners!
The
Last Supper has been depicted by many artists. The most
famous: Leonardo di Vinci, who crowded everybody together on
one side of the table like the head table at a banquet (below).
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But
Cimabue's version was painted two centuries before Leonardo.
He employed a dramatic angle to show us the Apostles of the Round
Table, all twelve of them with saintly gold-leaf halos. Even
St. Judas. |
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APRIL
7, 2020
A PURSE FULL OF CHANGE
I've
taken nearly two dozen stories from the Bible and rewritten each of
them in the first person, from the point of view of a character who
realizes that the remarkable events are mostly magic tricks or
self-deceptions not supernatural acts of God. For
example, I imagined that a psychedelic drug might have been used to
stage the miracle of the Transfiguration.
Now
I have another such tale, except this one doesn't debunk any
supposed burning bushes. It's simply about Cleaning
House.
APRIL
6, 2010 DEMAND
YO'URE FEEDOM!
At
this
site Ive observed a large number of erudite protest
signs. The placards are being carried by white middle-class
conservatives who cling to guns, or religion, or antipathy to
people who aren't like them. These citizens bitterly long
for the ouster of the liberal, multicultural leaders whom the rest of
America has elected. They dream of taking the country back for
people like themselves.
Ive
learned much from reading their very creative signs. At the
risk of crashing my spell-check program, Im going to write this
commentary in Teabonics. |
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Thats
the native tongue of those who insist that English must be
are-countrys offical lanaguage. Above all, we must
preserve the sactity of our Constution! Our forefathes wrote
that document in English, didnt they? But now alliens are
crossing the boarder speaking some strange foreign gibberish.
And Barock Hussien Obama, who wont even show us his own birth
certifiet, wants to give them amesty or amensty or amnety.
Enoungh is enoungh!
Every
Tea Party member, without excetion, is a hard-wroking American like
Joe the Plummer. Joe believes taxs are rediculously
high. To him, any goverment stimulas program is just waisting
currancy, although he once baught a car under Cash for Clunkkers.
When
Joe losses his job, or when you loose your job, you dont want
to become a borror by going into debt and taking out a mortage.
Yet the lobbyests and polititions are deviding us. They have
saddled us with an extremey hugh national debt. Meanwhile, what
is our Commander en Theif concerned about? Only the
redistribtion of our wealth. We must impeah this lier! We
must repeel his sociazed health care!
And
speaking of socilism, dont forget our school system.
Those public school teachers lack competnce. If you send
your daugter, theyll teach her thinkgs that arent
even in the Bible! Your are much better off useing
home-schooling. Then your child will be as well-infromed as you are.
Wake
up, Americans! Were not slaves. We shouldnt be
living under tyrany, like Nazi Gemany. True Americans must be
rougues and mavricks, proclaiming resisance and descent. If
your not outraged your not paying attention. Become a
extremest for feedom!
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APRIL
5, 2020 PROTECTION
I
don't have any coronavirus symptoms, but our leaders now recommend
that when going out to buy groceries, everyone should wear a face
mask even a homemade one. Therefore I've home-made one.
To
my backup pair of glasses, I've added a mask consisting of a simple
folded handkerchief. The top corner is supported by a safety
pin dangling from the bridge of the glasses. Two other safety
pins on the left and right have giant rubber bands running through
them to loop over my ears. (I'd saved the bands from earlier
produce purchases, which is why they're marked Romaine.)
The
lenses cover my eyes, and the mask covers my nose and mouth.
It's not a tight seal, but it's better than nothing and should
capture whatever droplets I expel. That's not to protect me,
of course. The purpose is not to keep your germs (if any) away
from me, but to keep me from giving my germs (if any) to you.
You're welcome. |
APRIL
4, 2020
A 1970 CONVERSATION
I've
posted several audio segments that I recorded on this very day 50
years ago. My guest was the late Terry Rockhold.
Terry,
on the right, had been a high school classmate of mine. But
now it was several years later. In this twenty-minute
podcast of sorts, we discussed:
Northern California tourist spots,
retail stores,
men's wear, and
keeping order in a seventh-grade classroom.
I've
called it simply Talking
with Terry. |
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APRIL
1, 2020
WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?
Is
God Judging America Today? asks Ralph Drollinger. The
former UCLA basketball player (a 7'2" center from the John
Wooden era) wondered recently why God is punishing us with a lethal
virus. A biblically astute evaluation of the situation
strongly suggests that America and other countries of the world are
reaping what China has sown due to their leaders' recklessness and
lack of candor and transparency.
When
he mentions their leaders' recklessness and lies and
lack of foresight, I think he's referring to China's leaders, not America's. |
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In
fact, Drollinger himself is the leader of the Bible Study Group at
the White House, which meets with Trump Cabinet members every Wednesday.
He
has railed against environmentalists and depraved LGBTQ
citizens, arguing that they have infiltrated high positions in
our government, our educational system, our media and our
entertainment industry and are largely responsible for
God's consequential wrath on our nation. |
Everything
happens for a reason, Christians insist, because God is in complete
control. As an evangelical, Drollinger is sure of every
reason. After all, he has a Master of Divinity degree from The
Master's Seminary though it's now under probation by its
accrediting institution and there he was taught that the
reason for every disaster is our sinful behavior.
I've
imagined that even in prehistoric times, people assumed there was a
cause for everything. Random chance couldn't possibly be
involved. See this month's 100 Moons article. |
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