Welcome back to IT'S IN THE BIBLE. I'm Brother Billy.
My next guest is not actually with us here in the studio. Hes way down south. And I mean way down south, all the way down, on the shores of Antarctica! By the miracle of satellite communications, weve arranged a special video feed for this interview. Im told were going to be speaking today with Mr. John Doe.
Are you there, Mr. Doe? This is Brother Billy.
Im here. Where else would I be?
Ah, yes, I see you on the screen. Welcome to our program.
Thank you. But you bungled the introduction, stupid.
Youve got the wrong name. Im not John Doe. John is my father. My name is Tucksey.
Im very sorry, Mr. Doe. I was misinformed. What was your first name again?
Tucksey. Uh, thats quite unusual.
Just put it all together.
I beg your pardon?
Come on, you can do it, Billy boy. Whats my full name?
Tucksey ... Doe?
You got it!
I suppose thats appropriate. I notice youre very formally dressed today.
Im a penguin, you idiot! I always look like this.
A penguin? My goodness. Ive never interviewed an animal before.
Youre calling me an animal?
Well, ahem, as you know, all living things belong to one of three kingdoms. There are plants, and there are animals, and there are humans people like me. We were created in Gods image. Were quite different from animals, even though the godless evolutionists claim otherwise. Now youre not a human yourself, are you?
And youre not a plant.
I am not a plant.
Then youre an animal. You see, the word animal can describe many creatures: the beasts of the field, of course, but also the fowls of the air and the fishes of the sea.
Fowls of the air? Who talks like that? Fishes of the sea?
Its in the Bible. Anyway, you and your animal friends have no soul. Therefore you have not been blessed with the guidance from God that we Christians find in our Holy Scriptures.
Thats true, we dont have a Bible. But I cant say weve missed it.
Dont be flippant! If humans lacked a moral code to direct us, wed be out of control. We would be no better than dumb animals. (No offense.) We would be free to act according to our own brutish desires. But, praise God, we have the Ten Commandments! Laws straight from God, whom no one is allowed to question. They tell us what to do and what not to do.
Penguins know what to do and what not to do.
How could you know, without the authority of Scripture to instruct you?
You dont understand, do you, Billy? Its simple. Morality comes from living within a community and learning how to get along with others.
For example, when I was just a chick I discovered it was wrong to steal. I tried to take a bit of food away from a friend, and I got a pecking youd never believe! Not only did my pilferage prove painful, but it soured my relations with the neighbors. So I learned not to take what wasnt mine.
We live in close quarters down here on the shore. We have to make friends, not enemies. Its common sense.
Now you humans, you dont have any common sense. Youre like children; you need to have everything spelled out for you. You think that thievery is just fine until one day God writes on a tablet Thou shalt not steal and you say, Oh really? Hmm, I never realized that was a rule. Very well, if you say so, from now on I shall not steal, your majesty.
Now, Mr. Doe ...
Call me Tucksey. Another thing. We penguins mate for life. Its obvious to me that staying faithful to my wife is the best policy. If I started waddling after other females, my wife would give me a pecking youd never believe, and Id risk losing my best friend.
Im a good bird because its the right way. I dont need a nagging God decreeing what should already be obvious, like Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Do you mean you can you be good without guidelines? Are you claiming its possible to be moral without a written moral code?
I certainly am claiming that! And let me tell you, Brother Billy: You humans who worship the Bible think youre so perfect. But you fool around outside marriage. You even get divorced. Youre envious of each others possessions. Youre constantly killing each other. Your wars never end.
And because your Bible doesnt tell you not to do it, you burn everything you can get your hands on, from wood to coal to gas to oil. You dont care about what all that burning is doing to the Earth. We penguins know what its doing. The waters getting warmer. Were on thin ice down here!
Now, Tucksey, theres no conclusive proof that humans are causing global warming ...
Oh, you are. You are. And youre using up all your gas and oil. Youre never going to get it back. Once youve burned it, it wont be there for your grandchildren. But you dont regard this as a sin, because your precious Commandments dont mention anything about preserving the planet for future generations. I speak from the high moral ground here!
Uh, we seem to be losing the satellite connection ...